"Fat acceptance"...

I just finished reading an article on fat acceptance. The article was broken down in four parts, the author identifies herself as fat at a young age, she struggles with her weight into her twenties, she discovers the concept of fat acceptance, she jumps on thus band wagon and carries on to smacking her behind at a group of rude teenagers to prove her empowerment.

As an obese young woman I am supposed to read this and feel that I too am worthy of loving my extra pounds. After reading this article I am supposed to realize that the only reason I have ever wanted to lose weight was to fit in and that the media has brainwashed me.

But after reading this article all I felt was saddened, yet another excuse for someone to drive themselves to an early death. Yes losing wait is hard, but why commit to staying fat?

I suppose its all a question of health; If this author is healthy, well then besides her immaturity more power to her. But to lead her readers that could be any size with any kind of health to believe that their size is to be embraced and even loved is what has saddened me.

I feel that all overweight individuals need to ask themselves these two questions:

1.)Am I comfortable in my own skin?

2.)Can my health benefit significantly from weight loss?

Once the overweight individual answers these questions with no biases and from the heart they can move on to a happier more self assured life from there.

The struggle with weight loss is always a long and painful journey but is continuously rewarding, with every pound you lose, with every dress size you drop and with every ounce of sweat that comes dripping off of your exhausted body; you feel a bit closer to portraying the lively being you know you are, to doing the things you want to do, to steering clear of several life ruining health issues, to finally feeling secure and happy in your own skin.

The article I read tonight was interesting but nothing is going to change my mind about getting into my dream pants and being eligible for bungee jumping.

^__^

(currently listening to Legends of Archery by Driftless Pony Club)

The article: http://blog.twowholecakes.com/2011/07/reprint-why-the-world-needs-fat-acceptance/

Dont read this.

So life seems to have tumbled out of my reach, time to focus on my physic rather than my job and studies, considering I now have neither. ?

All I want to do is have something really delicious to eat with a big soda and call it a night in front of my computer, but alas what is the point? There seems to be no point in eating, or not eating, breathing or not breathing.. if it makes no effect on the world then what does it matter?

feeling like I'm back in my adolescence years..

listening to where'd you go by fort minor.

Day 1 !! LEGIT!

Alright,

since I can't seem to get into the groove of weight loss without a bonus incentive, I have added one.

well two, Competition with none other than my mother & a sweet reward!

The reward for me if I loss 25lbs in a month is an all day hang out with my mom in a shopping spree kind of way, with sephora included. If I lose I have to pay for my moms pedicure & facial at the spa of her choosing. D=

But no worries I am going to win!

I'm getting my bike tonight! woot woot woot! & did I say woot yet?!

I'm excited! I've wanted a bike for quite a while.

So Real Legit Day One has begun!

weigh in is on july 22cnd! eeep!

Who believes I can muster up the will power?..

just my friend denise I think, I'm just trying to stay optimistic.

(Currently listening to Vcr by the xx)

Veronica Pickles legit Day 1!

Oh man...

Doing this everyday hasn't worked out, I guess I may not be dedicated enough. I did however start up again, this morning I am having cream of wheat and plan to not eat much besides carrots apples and celery for the rest of the day.

Trying to manipulate my meals in to something that they have never been is a very tough challenge. I still live in a house full of people who eat what and as much as they want whenever they want, I feel I need to get out to really have a handle on my diet.

Look at it this way, how long can you hold heroine under a heroine addicts nose after they quit before they grab it from you and do it again?

It's unrealistic to say that my will power should be strong enough to stay clean, I mean on a diet, when everyone around me is doing the thing that I'm trying to quit.

Excuse or reality? I'll let you be the judge..

But for now I'm trying.. once again.

(currently listening to the increasingly loud me in my head that wants to be fed)

Veronica Pickles take 2 day 1

What day is this?..

Oh right Wednesday.. the dreaded Wednesday.

It is 9:02am on 3/23/2011 & what am I doing? As a twenty year old college student?

I am between classes on my laptop sitting in the sun blogging and watching hey Arnold on my netflix. Yup I've had 2 cups of coffee today one of which was a caramel macchiato from Starbucks. my favorite.

Today is an important day, Today I get to interview journalist/best selling author Dina Temple Raston; I'm excited! Today I start the GNC meal replacement shakes, trying to avoid food as much as possible, one real meal a day. I know that's not what the GNC guidelines say but who really diets with out harming their selves at least a little? How else do we intend on getting any results?

Not say I'm going to this forever to lose the weight, I'll go back to healthy means after the wedding.

I go look at my maid of honor dress tomorrow, I am so nervous I think I must be a 24 by now, granted the pant's I am wearing right are 20's and there a little lose, I'm pretty sure these are an exception.

2 cups of coffee and I'm still tired. yugs..

Besides the interrogation & 2 classes today I also have work from 3-10, All I want to do right now is take a nap, is that because I'm malnourished? I doubt it.

Today I must be optimistic! that is the goal.!

(Currently listening to chop suey by system of a down)

Veronica Pickles Day unknown

DAY 9 08:29 PM

Currently listening to cake's commissioning a symphony in c & the shins young pilgrims

Day 7

(Currently listening to long distance call by phoenix)

12:34am Can I still call this day 6?

I worked until late, drinking lots of water while I was there and not getting off my feet at all for six hours straight, Work was hectic today lots of shelving which is not as easy as it looks, even involves a ladder. lol

Well I got home and pizza was the only that the family had to eat so it was either that or another apple because someone ate my healthy choice meal, I did have five dollars in my pocket though and I really did and am considering taking a trip a jack in the box, that would be great but what would that do for my health right? I mean can they even prove what is in those taco's? I'm in bed now, i know a day with only apples and a ton of water is really bad but it's that or en jest pizza hut poison.

GOOD NEWS!

I lost 4lbs! how? I'm still trying to figure that out, maybe someday I'll see it for what it really is but for now I feel like it just happened. So in honor of the 4lbs lost my goal is to lose 10 more by Wednesday of next week. More extensive work out's needed!

(Currently listening to song for no one by Miike Snow)

Veronica Pickles DAY 6

It's Day 6 I believe?.. 2:12pm

I woke up so late!

spring break is making me think I can sleep in all the time, but alas there is still work.

So I'm rushing grabbing an apple to keep me alive until 8pm when I get off.

Eeep can I do it?

& hey are cheeze-it's acceptable? cause they sure are addictive.

I put my knock off shape ups on and am heading out the door.

Oh right! so Day 6! weigh in when I get home! if i lost anything it will be from the walks.

yeah i'll start getting more detailed soon. =D no worries!

(currently listening to gold lions by the yeah yeah yeahs)

2:22pm DAY 5

Haven't had any food yet and I got caught up looking in the mirror for awhile I am pretty sure it's all in my head but my belly looks tighter. lol

I jogged around the block once today & did tummy exercises I found on Modern Mom's YouTube channel.

I am getting hungry so apple or healthy choice meal that 350calories & tastes awesome chicken marinara steamed things. I can't live without carbohydrates the way I can't live without coffee.

Alright so I'll check in in a bit. =D Today is a good day.! optimism

(Currently listening to Grow up & Blow away by Metric)

Veronica Pickles DAY 5

Right.. sorry! Day 4 11:40pm

Eeep!

Between the baby shower yesterday & work today I didn't make time to post anything;but here I am now. =D

Baby shower went off with out a hitch (thx for asking) & the temptation to eat was a lot easier to ignore than I thought it was going to be.

Although I did have a piece of the delicious Bavarian creme cake that caused me so much headache, I think it was more to reap the reward of all my hard work than it was a desire for cake. But then again you know what they say about fat kids and cake. ;)

So that day (Sunday day 3) I snacked on the veggie tray, no dip & had an average cut of the sub which is a square no bigger than an inch & a half diagonally. sticking to water was easy because running around like a chicken with it's head cut off leads to the craving for plain ol' h2o.

Today I had a country fried steak at Denny's and no it was not worth it, I came home and jogged immediately after. Maybe I'm starting to actually let my diet sink in enough to add to my morals. I felt actual guilt after it even during it.But when you're with people what do you do? salad? plain? In my family they'll think something is wrong! So that really adds to how difficult all of this is.

I'm stuck in a situation where everyone is rooting against me, and it's not because their mean but because they don't see the point in a diet. The philosophy that is pretty consistent in my family is that you only live once & you could die tomorrow so eat what you want, do what you want, forgive, & most importantly spend because you can't take it with you. Thus the majority of my family members are always low on funds, chubby and happy even though most of them have heart conditions.

Even I have high blood pressure & thyroid issues.. did I mention I'm 20 and the guidance my mother gave me on life was all wrong? Thank you internet; without you I would still think that baby's came from storks and rice with tons of butter was good for you. Yup as a mentor my mother has failed,but when I was 14 I started talking to the couch for comfort, I'd come home and tell the empty sofa how my day was and all that was wrong in the empty house before I started on cleaning & dinner. Without that couch & KoRn I don't think I would have made it through my adolescence.

So it is now 2:13am (because I got interrupted by a friend of mine who came over ranting and had to listen.[i'm glad i made it "better"]) and I am ready for sleep, have to be up at 5 for readying & driving 20miles to & from my mom's work.But it's spring break! so instead of class I am getting kidnapped by an old friend who demands seniority. "I get first dibs on your free time, I was here first" So that ought to be interesting. RIGHT, GOAL for today is to fit in my 3 walks while keeping my calorie intake under 1230.

Wish me luck!

(Currently listening to Swimming in the flood by Passion Pit)

Veronica Pickles DAY 4

Back story?

So let’s put a little bit of a back story out there, I think we’re starting to know each other pretty well.

I’m 20 years old soon to be 21(may 15^th) and I have like so many of you out there struggled with my weight for my entire life. I never had restrictions on food when I was young, or really ever. A lot of it had to do with the fact that my mother was never there, she was working two jobs to make the mortgage and my dad got caught up in a substance that let us just say is undesirable, so my mother kicked him out so that that aspect of him would be something we the children would not have to deal with. So with mom at work all of the time, dad out of the picture and two teenage sisters that really couldn’t care less about me, I ate what I wanted when I wanted. This was even made worse (or better, my 8-12 year old self would have told you) is that when my mother and I did spend any time together it was always accompanied with my favorite take out or dine in. Which is why till this day I expect the food that I want when I want it, and almost always refuse to eat anything else because what I’m craving is the only thing that will satisfy the hunger, if I eat something else I am still hungry(that is if I crave, which now is rare). Tell me if that’s ever happened to you because I am certain it can’t just all be in my head.

So those were my eating habits up until I was about 14, then my mom was all of a sudden around and it seemed like she was in my way a lot! But once she was less busy with work she has been busy with family, which results in a lot of eating out, family always wants to eat and so we go, because were on the road all of the time, I spend more time in the car than I do in bed, let me put it to you this way, my sister and her family live with my mom and I and I see her maybe 3 times a week and she doesn’t work or drive so it’s rare that she’s out of the house. My life is lived out and about; my laptop and my blackberry are the only things that keep me connected to something more than the pavement. I am starting to get tired of it and I think that as soon as I can I need to get away from my mother, because if it wasn’t for her I’d get a lot more sleep a lot less food and a lot more down time. It’s her family I’m always with, it’s her errands I am always running.. for the most part.

Which brings me to life now, I am currently employed at borders book store and I am attending a community college to get all those pesky credits they don’t tell you you are going to need to get in to a university in high school. It’s only my second semester of this and although I am enjoying it, I feel like I could be doing more especially because without financial aid I am really struggling right now to make ends meet. But! That is part of the beauty of life, who would we be without hardship? We would be boring. The trials we face in life are what build our character, so I’m grateful for the struggle although some days I don’t feel like I can go on. Optimism is key.

Well that didn’t give anywhere near as much back story as I intended but we’ll just call this installment number one. n_n

(Currently listening to Van Morrison’s brown eyed girl)

Veronica Pickles DAY 2 10:54am

DAY 2 9:23am

Yesterday I was on the road for far too long and didn't get a chance to blog. As you have probably already guessed I ate terribly. For lunch I had a Bean burrito enchilada style from this quaint little family run establishment that is praised for its burritos not only by locals. (It's called Rito's just in case you were wondering & it's in phoenix, Arizona on Garfield & 11th st I want to say..)

For dinner, at midnight mind you, I had a carne asada burrito from a random 24 hour burrito place; one of the many with the suffix burto's around. I usually don't eat Mexican food but for some reason yesterday it's all the people around me wanted to eat. Oh and I forgot to mention I had an ice cream cone from a soft serve truck before I ate “real food”.

Yesterday I did terrible with food, but I stayed optimistic and did a lot of walking. Having to plan a baby shower, bridal shower, bachelorette party and a birthday party leads to a lot of shopping with a lot of walking.. And hair pulling but that’s another story for another time.

So now that I’ve got you all caught up on the happenings of yesterday let us talk about today.

It’s 9:33am now and I’ve been in my forever long English class for thirty minutes, with a Grande caramel macchiato from Starbucks, my biggest weakness is by far coffee. Really good strong coffee can make me smile in the worst of times.

Today’s goal is to eat very moderately. 3 small meals and lots of water, I am today however attending a baby shower that will be catered by Macayo’s (I just can’t seem to get away from that darn Mexican food). So what am I to do when the hostess of this party insists I eat? Or when she hands me a slice of cake? Simply say no I’m on a diet? We all know that doesn’t work, we’ll just get a response like “I won’t tell” with a wink while the food is being shoved into our hands and the former barer of it wanders off with a smirk thinking she’s done nothing wrong. But in reality you now are in the middle of a show down between your want to not be rude and the commitment you made to yourself. Yup what am I going to do then? Take a couple of bites and let it go. =) somewhat of a win win situation although easier said than done.

And now of course there is Sunday, the day I am hosting a baby shower for my sister who is only semi appreciative so far but will be at my feet thanking me once the baby is here and she realizes how much she really needed this baby shower to help her get the things the baby needs. And of course the final get together before she’s too tired or too busy to find the time to attend a shindig. That baby shower is going to be awesome and equipped with the best looking cupcakes you have ever seen, but of course I will have to resist. Gah, even thinking about it is hard. But I must be optimistic. =D alright it is now 9:47am and I think I’ve strayed from my studies long enough, until next time.

(Currently listening to Creedence Clearwater Revivals have you ever seen the rain.)

Veronica Pickles DAY 2

12:38pm

I didn't have the coffee.

....but I still want it.

I just finished brunch, the only thing I plan on eating until about 5 tonight.

Brunch was bad but I had it in moderaton. I wanted to eat something good for me, but once I looked over the fridge and my wallet, I did what I could.

Omelet 2 eggs, green onion, tomato & monterray jack cheese sprinkled on top.

This was probably a terrible choice but after looking at the apples I knew they weren't going to be enough.

I followed this meal up with a banana and enjoyed it with a 32oz cup full of water.

Day 1 doesn't feel like a failure yet.

There's always excersize, which I am trying to incorporate into my busy day, but it will happen..

Optimism.

Veronica Pickles DAY 1

9:23am

I NEED COFFEE!

Why did I think I could give up coffee?

Do I have to give up coffee to get fit?

cream is bad, caffeine is bad?

Failing to comply with the guidelines I set for myself already..

Coffee, I can't live with out it.

Veronica Pickles DAY 1

Realization

Today I once again begin a new journey; this one is called Optimism and disgust to become fit.

All this is, is a life style change. Let me start at why: I was compared today to a girl who I consider huge, and I usually do not judge so harshly but that is just how big I think this girl is. More than one person today told me I am about the same size as this girl. This was heart breaking, I nearly cried; the only thing that stopped me from doing so is who I was with. You may think I am over reacting or that I must have seen it, but the truth is I really didn't know I am this big.

I quickly went from sad to outraged, this means that the basis of my entire existance could be not as i percieve it. I MUST do something about being a size that concerns the average on looker, a size in which a person seems to not be able to reach their own shoes, a size where confidence is scarce and comfort has been long forgotten. Don't get me wrong I know some people enjoy being as big as I am or even bigger and more power to them! But I am uncomfortable in my skin, and this comment today made me finaly see why, it's not because of the clothes, the establishment or my personality ( the most common excuses I make for various disapointing situations) it's because of my body.

So for lint, forever hopefully I am giving up eating out, as well as any beverage besides water and pure juices. I have also decided I must take at the very least 3 one hour walks a week. Ideally though this will last forever and I'll take a walk every morning and every evening and be in a bikini by next summer but I know that that is not going to be the case.. at least not right away.

The hardest part of doing this will be avoiding all of the shindigs; because that I am almost certain, is impossible living with and near my family. But optimisim is the first part of my new journey. Well it is after midnight and I have class in the morning.

Wish me luck, Pleasant Slumber =)
Veronica Pickles DAY 1